In Memory of a Friend

According to dictionary.com, the word closure is defined as a bringing to an end; a conclusion. The custom of having funeral ceremonies, which truly are for the living, helps people to achieve closure after losing a loved one. I think that's what sucks so hard about what happened to me Thursday night. I decided to "google" the name of a friend who I haven't talked to in years. I truly didn't expect to find anything. The last time I had talked to this friend, he was conflicted, depressed and had no clear vision of where he was headed. He was even a bit distrustful of me, thinking I had been disloyal to him, which I never was. I guess all these years, I had imagined that he had accepted defeat, settled into a different career and was somewhere leading a quiet, uneventful life.

But instead of finding nothing, I found something. I found his obituary.

My friend, Eulalio Garza, known as Lalo, was killed in a car wreck in May of this year. He is gone and I will never get to talk to him again. I will never get to see his beautiful smile, hear his laughter, tolerate his teasing, comfort him when he's depressed or reassure him when his confidence falters. I'll never get to tell him I treasure our friendship or that everything will be allright. And I'll never get to tell him goodbye. Not even at the funeral.

It's left me in a quandry for sure; I've been able to think of little else. In an effort to find some semblance of closure, I contacted his sister Elizabeth, "Liz" as he always called her. Thank goodness she had posted her email address on one of the tribute websites back in May. We have already exchanged correspondence and I can tell that her pain is still as fresh as the day it happened. She did share with me a letter that Lalo had sent her in 2005 that was read at the funeral. I have to admit, it sounds nothing like the Lalo I knew. In the letter, Lalo is thanking Liz for taking him into her home when he was homeless. He is also telling her how very close he's become to God and he tells her that he prays for her and her children every day and hopes that she will give God a chance because something may happen one day to cause her to need Him. How very prophetic.

I shared with Liz that Lalo is the reason I am working at TSTC today. We worked together at Texas A&M Texarkana in Jefferson until that location was dissolved. Lalo was then hired at TSTC as an Associate Dean and brought me in as his secretary. He used to say to me, "Maybe that's why I was put here Deb., to get you a job." He was from Corpus and had ties in Austin and San Antonio, so he could go anywhere, but he knew I had needed a job close to home. And now look, 6 years after being hired as his secretary (from a temp agency, no less), I am Director of Recruiting. Maybe you were right Lalo.

And I can't help believe that Lalo didn't have something to do with me not finding out about his death until now. He knew his sister would be struggling through this first holiday without him and he knew me well enough to know I'd contact her. Seven months later, when others have forgotten and gone on with their lives, I am able to grieve with her as if it had just happened. And I hope that by sharing my memories of Lalo with her, she will find comfort. I hope I will find comfort too.

http://www.theeagle.com/local/Prairie-View--professor-killed--in-2-car-wreck